Embarassing Things I Have Said in Hebrew. . . So Far.

Inciting Incident: One of the school secretaries compliments me on my boots.

Me:(in halting Hebrew) Thank you! I "procured them (in the sense of stealing them)" from Target in the U.S.

Secretary: (With mock astonishment) No, I don't believe it! You're not the type!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Inciting Incident: My next-door neighbor, a nice Haredi guy who's always making little improvement to his building, is at my corner kiosk playing backgammon with the kiosk dude. I want to make polite and friendly conversation with him as I buy some soda.

Me: Hello, how are you? I see that your "backyard" (I have chosen the term for backyard that also denotes "ass" in Israeli slang) is looking great!

Haredi Neighbor: (silence)

Kiosk Dude: (Protracted laughter followed by explanation of the gaffe)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------