Sunday, March 6, 2011

For a good time call. . .

Before I tell this extremely short anecdote, a much longer introduction is required, which I will begin thusly: In Israel, prostitution is legal. Did you know that? Well, it is, although every few months it seems like another embattled MK in the Knesset starts a short-lived crusade to outlaw it, a crusade that is usually timed to distract from a criminal charges of corruption or malfeasance (occasionally involving patronizing prostitutes).

Anyway.

The principle way the ladies seem to advertise in Tel Aviv are with business-card sized photo, complete with contact information. Which, I guess, makes them just plain business cards. Although, unlike the ones handed out by a systems analyst or a HR rep, these cards feature glossy color photos on front and back, usually og one or more of the following subjects: 
--Smiling naked lady
--Naked lady with eyebrow raised invitingly
--Pensive naked lady shot in black and white, occasionally behind gauzy curtain
--Grimacing naked lady with bullwhip (for the bdsm crowd)
--Shy naked lady
--Excited naked lady
--Sort of mean looking naked lady
--Naked lady holding single red rose
--Chunk o' naked lady (boobies)
--Chunk o' naked lady (butt)
--Chunk o' naked lady (legs)
--Chunk o' naked lady (feet)
--Two or more naked ladies

These cards litter the sidewalks, and if you park your car anywhere besides a private lock, you will come back to your vehicle to find a couple tucked into the edge of the driver side window, and another two or three stuck underneath your windshield wipers. I have only seen these cards being placed on cars once since moving to Tel Aviv, by a sheepish-looking young dude with ipod headphones jammed into his ears and a downcast expression. It can't pay that well, being a Prostitute-Card-Hander-Outer, and even if it's just a second job, I imagine it has a devastating effect on your social capital.

All of this is just to say that these little cards are a constant fixture in the visual landscape: the photos and names and fonts change (which graphic design firm handles these sorts of assignments?) but they are always around.

SO: Now I can relate the anecdote, which is starting to seem less and less piquant with the passage of time, but here we go--I was walking to work in the early morning behind a little girl who lives on my street, her wiggly border collie, and her mother. The border collie was bright-eyed and busily sniffing at earlier dog's morning leavings,the little girl was producing a non-stop stream of chatter with the energy and vigor that placed her mother's lack of the same in very sharp relief (evidenced by the large cup of coffee she was clutching in her leash-less hand like a life preserver).

When the dog stopped to do her own business, the girl's eye was caught by one of those aforementioned cards, tucked handily into the sideview mirror of a dusty silver peugot parked half on, half off the sidewalk, in a red zone, it's back bumper not so much kissing the front bumper of the car behind it, as in a full-on embrace (or as I liked to call it, parked "Israeli style"). The card featured two ladies photographed against a neon yellow backdrop, one a generously proportioned brunette laying on her back in a sort of body stocking with cut-out panels in all the right places, the other totally starkers, with her platinum hair done up in pigtails, sitting astride the brunette and using her friend's bosom much like an inexperienced rider might use her saddle horn. That is to say, clutching it for dear life.

The girl flicked the card with her little thumb and index finger, then, just as her embattled mother was juggling the dog leash, coffee cup, and freshly-used plastic baggie, asked her pointedly, "What are they doing?" The mother, craning her neck to find the nearest trash can, replied distractedly, "Who, sweetie?"  "The ladies." "Who?" "The ladies in the picture." The girl plucked the card from the window and proferred it to her mother. She took it from the girl, holding it with just as much distaste as the plastic bag in her other hand, and gave it a look.

For a moment, there was no reply.

But then, the mother explained, "They are dancers." "Dancers?" "Yes." A pause to consider. "But not like ballerinas." "No." "Like  the Dallal Center?" [this is the city's famous modern dance theatre in Neve Tzedek, home to the Batsheva troupe] "Yes, more like that." Another pause, then the monologue stream resumed as if it had never been interrupted.

At the corner, both card and plastic baggie were dumped into the trash.

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